“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”-Martin Luther King Jr.
Last year, the Lord repeatedly showed me His faithfulness. He brought restoration to relationships in my family and friendships that were once broken. He was faithful to the desire of my heart and brought me to Africa. He provided every bit of money needed for my discipleship training school. He had revived dreams that I thought were forever dead. In 2011, I knew for a fact that not once had He let me go. It was the best year yet.
Then on New Years, my life came crumbling down. In a few short hours, I felt like everything good was lost. Everything except for the promise of His faithfulness to me. Though my heart hurt more than it ever had, I clung to His truth. I prayed for hours on end with my face on the floor, crying out to my gracious Father. My God is for me. Had I not encountered His unfailing love the way I did last year, I wouldn’t have believed that He truly cared. How could my life go from being absolutely wonderful to the hardest trial in a matter of hours? But yet again, I remembered. My God is for me.
As I took a shower and felt the water meet my stream of tears, I began to laugh. Laughing in the midst of the hardest situation is not something I thought I would ever experience. My heart still ached, but there was a joy resonating from within me. Suddenly, it hit me. This is what Paul was talking about to the Philippians. To truly rejoice in the Lord always. He was feeding me joy, and giving me the strength necessary to face this unexpected situation.
During this moment of laughing and crying all at once, I felt extremely hopeful. This year was not going to be easy, but I instantly knew that it would be a beautiful journey of redemption and restoration.
Fast forward three months to today. April 1.
I am not trying to fool anyone when I say my life is absolutely amazing. That New Years weekend, I had no idea how my life would carry on. But as I have already said, my Father is faithful. He has done the most beautiful work in my life as well as my family’s. Even after the hardest of times, the Lord has been so true to my heart.
I have now been in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii for ten weeks, serving with the most amazing YWAM photogenX community. In coming here, I knew I was going to be doing leadership training, preparing to staff the photogenX DTS, and be a part of a committed community. I didn’t realize how much the Lord would move in my own life, however.
Upon my arrival on January 23, I came sick, broken, and broke.
On my layover in San Fran, I walked about the airport, searching for the cheapest meal. My health had been very poor for weeks, and I found out a few days before that I had severe hypoglycemia. So not only was I searching for a meal that I could afford, but also something that was a part of my very restricted diet. I literally walked back and forth for a few hours - getting dizzier and dizzier. I was so hungry and on the verge of tears. If I sat for too long, I would allow my mind to fill up with far too many doubts.
There was this constant battle within me. Every part of me was weary. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - I was drained. Fear and doubt took hold of me. I didn’t want to arrive in Kona this broken. I did not want to fail anyone. I was coming here to disciple people, yet my life was nearly in shambles. But yet again I declared:
God, You are faithful.
It would have been easier in many ways to stay at home. I would have had more resources to help my health, I could assist my family’s needs, and then get a job to provide. But what was I called to do? Missions was my calling. I knew I was supposed to be a part of YWAM, and I knew now was the time.
Where God guides, He provides.
…this I know full well.
He has provided incredibly supportive friends, financial blessings, better health, and a happy heart that Has seen so many testimonies of faithful restoration.
I believe that this year started off with me entering a season of pruning. During my first week in Kona, I listened to a sermon online by Allen Hood (IHOP). He said something that immediately struck me.
“In pruning, it causes us to maintain the very word that was cultivated in the previous season. Whatever word was dominant in your last season, it is tested in the pruning to see the genuineness behind it.”
In the last season, God displayed different facets of His faithfulness. And now, my faith itself is being tested. The word I believe He gave me during that time in the shower has already proven itself true. So much restoration and redemption has happened - it would take hours to explain! Praise!
“Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need You’ve met, faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be
Is all because You love faithfully”
-Laura Story
He has truly met all my needs! In sharing a few stories below, I hope that you will rejoice with me in the creative ways that He has shown Himself as Jehovah Jireh! As you may or may not know, YWAMers are not paid. Everything is based off of fundraising and monthly support. I created a monthly budget of $800 and believed that the Lord would provide. He most definitely has, but not in ways that I expected. May your faith be increased just as mine has in the journey!
The first morning I was here, I opened my suitcase to a large sum of money atop my clothes. Father, You are faithful. Then a week later, my friends walked into the cafe and handed me a giant rotisserie chicken with a tub of almonds / peanuts from Costco. This was all for me to eat, because it was difficult to find campus meals that matched with my hypoglycemic “cavewoman” diet. Father, You are faithful. On a Tuesday in mid February, I wrote out a list of about 4 random toiletries and things I needed to purchase from Wal Mart. The following day, I received a package in the mail with these exact 4 things. Father, You are faithful. During this time, I was behind in paying my housing fees. I was nowhere near my monthly goal of $800, which realistically should be about $1,000. My family was struggling financially as well. Then, I find outmost of my housing fees for the month of March were paid for by an extremely generous friend. Father, You are faithful. Living by faith was not easy, but He was still remaining faithful through surprises both small and large. I strongly believe He told me to give $27 on a Thursday night. I struggled to figure out how I could do this, seeing as I hardly had any myself. That same night, I really wanted hummus. Oh, how selfish I felt! This was not a necessity. But I am human, and I wanted a $6-$7 tub of hummus. I asked Jesus for $34. On Friday, I had an amazing friend hand me $34. He said, “God told me to!” Father, You are faithful. By now, I fully know that He provides. Even when I lived off of $1.18 for over a week this month. I did not even have enough money to do laundry. Then I checked my emails and found out two best friends deposited money that would allow for me to pay another month’s housing, and buy more toiletries. I could even buy myself a dress and treat a few friends. Father, You are faithful. When us staff went on a retreat, I received word that an incredible relative blessed my family with some money. I could save this, and confidently get through a few months for food. Father, You are faithful. Two days ago, I ran out of everything toiletry related. I needed to go to Target. I got in the car, and was handed a Target gift card with my name on it. Father, You are faithful.
There is nothing I can do but give so much thanks and praise up to the Lord. He has blessed me beyond belief! Thank you for your prayers, your donations, and your encouragement.
I am no longer sick, broken, or broke.
I am set free and full of life.
Yes, I still have needs. But God will always take care of me. After all, He is the faithful Father. :) His love for His children is so vast. I cannot wait for the students to arrive in four days and experience the Father’s love in such new ways. It is such an honor to serve Him and disciple others while I continue learning and growing.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers as the school officially begins this week. I would so appreciate prayers for wisdom, continued provision, and a tender heart to all. Thank you for your crazy amazing love.
I am so blessed.
